interview by Cathy Carroll
In the new memoir and essay collection You’re Going to Die But Not Me!: A Psychologist Wrestles Death, Portland author Liz Scott stares down death with a mix of humor, scholarly curiosity and vulnerability. A candid, self-aware narrator, she wrestles with her fear of annihilation, blending deep research with stories that are as tender as they are illuminating.
From the ancient dreamers who sought immortality to modern labs probing the mysteries of near-death experiences, Scott delves into panpsychism (that all animate and inanimate things have a mind-like quality) and Buddhist detachment with the same energy she applies to the earthy realities of human composting. Her previous works include the memoir This Never Happened and Love Life: Confessions of a Psychologist. She will be in conversation at Portland’s Powell’s Books on May 17.
» After wrestling with death from every angle, how has it shifted the way you live?
I was surprised that my feelings and my attitude had shifted a little bit, which is kind of cool. I think it was a bunch of factors. I spent two years going down every single solitary rabbit hole on the topic—I don’t know if it was some sort of exposure therapy, which dulls your fear about a topic. I just came to—without giving away the ending—a recognition about what was underneath the fear. Even though it’s still difficult, it’s easier not to walk around feeling terrified. All these different ways of examining what my fear was about and digging deep into it, I could see—and this is often the case with emotions—there’s something underneath, a more foundational feeling. Even though I’m a psychologist, I’m still a flawed human, just like the rest of us, and I’ve still got a lot of stuff to learn about myself. It was interesting to come to a place where I understood a little bit more.
» Why read this book—what might facing mortality offer that avoidance never can?
It’s a general principle: Avoidance stokes anxiety, and approach alleviates anxiety. This book is my journey from near terror to near acceptance. I’m not saying I’m all thrilled about it—if I had a choice, I would not want to die, but one of the people that wrote a blurb for the book said it ‘made me less afraid of dying, and that, my friends, is a miracle.’ If anybody can feel any amount of ease around this topic, it would be such a thrill for me.
I always say that, you know, we have a choice. We can deal with things directly or indirectly. I think those are our only two choices. I don’t think we have another choice.
» What are some of the surprising or funny things you discovered about death?
There are so many. There’s a fair amount of dark humor in this book. I’ve had several people say they were laughing out loud. In investigating all the things one can decide to do with your body, some are fun, creepy and weird. You can turn yourself into fireworks, you can make yourself into a semi-diamond for your heirs and there’s a company in Washington that can turn you into dirt. I already gave them my money, so my kids know exactly what to do, who to call. It’s the best thing I could think of so far.
